Verbal Abuse

There is nothing more enjoyable than waking up in the morning to a good cup of coffee.  Just that smell as it is brewing is enough to bring a smile to your face and help you start off your day. 

 I have been struggling since yesterday regarding a phone call that I took from my mom.  She was crying and unhappy and no matter what I tried to say it just wasn’t getting through.  So unfortunately I had to reverse the roles and had to raise my voice to get her attention.  You see she is disabled and living with my Dad in Idaho, a very long way away from me.  My dad is not nor has he ever been the easiest person to live with as my sister and brothers would agree with.  She lost both her legs a few years back due to medical conditions and though this has not been an easy transition for my mom, I think it was harder on my dad.  They are both full blooded Italians and coming from old school, the man ruled the house.  The wife waited on his every word, cooked, cleaned, and took care of the kids and so on.  When this happened my dad had to become her caretaker.  Now he has to care for her, carry her into and out of bed, help her get dressed, clean, and so on and so on.  He has grown bitter over time and it shows in his personality.   Growing up he was not the easiest man to love, it was easier to fear him and keep him off to a distance.  He was never physically abusive but mentally he could destroy your self-confidence, self-esteem with just a look.  My mom has had to endure much in the 63 years of marriage and sadly to say not much was good or happy, and now that they are in their 80’s she is feeling depressed.  You could say that when she lost her legs she lost her identity and freedom; unfortunately she is more vulnerable now than she was before.  “We” meaning her children have told her many times to leave him, to move down here that she would be welcome but she refuses.  She says that she made a commitment to God when she married him and she cannot break it.  Her vow or commitment to God was more important than any suffering or sacrifice she would have to endure.

How do you change someone’s belief system when all their life it has been ingrained in their head of what is right and wrong?  How do you convince someone that any form of abuse whether it physical or mental is against God’s laws and designs for us?  How do you show someone that they are victims of Domestic Violence when they won’t admit it to themselves or others?    Well I know that the only way I am going to be able to get through to her is that I have to find the words that will speak to her on a spiritual level.  I have to search and research for words that will make her understand that the love God feels for her is so strong and he would never want her to live her life this way.   Finding passages for victims of domestic violence isn’t clearly written anywhere exactly expressing it that way but what I did find was a few things that I am hoping will open a doorway for her to walk through to find the peace and happiness that she deserves and craves in her life. 

 I found a passage (1 Corinthians 7:15) that said:   if the unbeliever leaves, let him do so.  A believing man or woman is not bound in such circumstances; God has called us to live in peace.  

I was confused by what this passage was talking about so I found a site that explained this passage as follows:  Any man that constantly mistreats and maligns his wife, who wounds her psychologically, and, or physically, has “let go” and departed from the intent of his marriage vows.  He may be living under the same roof and sleeping in the same bed with her, but if he neglects her needs and destroys her as a person by attacking her body, soul, or spirit, mentally he has left!  If he is cold, cruel, and uncaring, he has already separated himself from her, even if he shares a house with her.  In his sick mind, the relationship is over.   The Lord does not want or expect her to suffer mental or bodily harm at the hands of a husband who is supposed to sacrificially love her.  God does not want her to be oppressed or incapacitated by fear.  Any woman who is physically harmed or verbally belittled, insulted, or harassed by her husband is under bondage.  Any wife whose husband controls her mind and activities with threats or brutality is enslaving her.    This is a great sight if you would like to read more it is at the following address:  christianpsycg.org /WP.

In Malachi 2:16-17 is says: I hate a man’s covering his wife with violence, as well as with his garment, says the Lord Almighty.

I think one of the hardest things for my mom to understand is that mental abuse is very much a part of Domestic Violence.  Verbal abuse is a destructive tool that can be used by anyone against another person.  Abuse’s main purpose is to blind a person from their own power thus preventing them from living their life to the fullest.  One in every four women will experience domestic violence in their lifetime.

Well hopefully I found enough to give her some support and food for thought.  If you have anything that you can add to help please leave me a post, it would be deeply appreciated.

If you're a victim of abuse or violence at the hands of someone you know or love, or you are recovering from an assault by a stranger, you are not alone. Get immediate help and support.

The National Domestic Violence Hotline can be reached 24 hours a day, 7 days a week at 800-799-SAFE (7233) and 800-787-3224 (TTY). Spanish and more than 170 other languages are available. When you call, you will first hear a recording and may have to hold for a minute. Hotline staff offers crisis intervention and referrals. If requested, they connect you to shelters and other services and can send out written information.

The National Teen Dating Abuse Helpline can be reached 24 hours a day, 7 days a week at 866-331-9474, or TTY 1-866-331-8453. When you call, you will first hear a recording and may have to hold for a minute. The Helpline also has peer advocates available via live chat from 3:00 p.m. to 5:00 a.m. (Eastern Standard Time).

The National Sexual Assault Hotline can be reached 24 hours a day, 7 days a week at 800-656-4673. When you call, you will hear a menu and can choose #1 to talk to a counselor. You will then be connected to a counselor in your area that can help you. You can also visit the National Sexual Assault Online Hotline.